6/7/2005
Dire Consequences
Several years ago I was teaching high school in the Rio Grande Valley; one of my freshman students was a very bright young lady who combined exceptional intelligence with an extraordinary work ethic. She demonstrated a deep interest in the study of World Geography, and she exhibited a keen understanding of often complex relationships. I had promised the students that my top two students for the year, as determined by grade point average, would get a flight around the McAllen, Texas area, courtesy of my good friend Paul, who was also a teacher, a retired Marine pilot, and civil aviator. This particular young lady was one of the two top students, and I made the promised arrangements with my friend.
Four years passed and I was teaching government and economics to seniors. I was pleased to find that this young lady would join my Advanced Placement government class. But after receiving a copy of the course syllabus and an outline of the reading, research, and writing requirements for the course, she decided that to take the regular government class instead and, within a week, she was transferred to a regular teacher. I was naturally disappointed because I fully expected that she would again be one of my best students and, I thought, if anyone would be a perfect fit for advanced studies, she was that person.
Midway through the first semester of her senior year, the student turned up “missing.” According to her parents’ interview on television, she had come home from school on Friday, packed a few things, and told her parents that she was going over to South Padre Island for the weekend. She didn’t come home after the weekend, and so by Monday a search was being conducted for her throughout the Rio Grande Valley. A few days later, they discovered her mutilated body stuffed inside a water irrigation pipe.
I was very distressed about this young lady’s murder. I was also somewhat angry because I could not understand why her parents would permit their 17 year old daughter to go off by herself for an entire weekend. Then, a few days later, her boyfriend was arrested and charged with the girl’s murder. Worse, the boyfriend was a sheriff’s deputy, married, and the father of two children. By this time, I was no longer angry; I was furious. I thought this girl would still be alive if her parents had the brains to tell their daughter NO, you are not going away for the weekend. NO you are not going to stay out late during the school week. NO you may not date a married man with two children.
Now we have the case of Natalee Holloway, an 18 year old high school graduate who has disappeared on the rather small island of Aruba, a protectorate of the Netherlands. Again, I find myself saddened by this event, and very angry. This young lady’s parents allowed their child to leave the United States of America, travel to a foreign country with “chaperones,” who were themselves negligent in their duty. The 18 year old girl was drinking in the nightclub, partying at 2 a.m., was seen entering a car with two strange men, and NO ONE had the COMMON SENSE to intervene and potentially save this young girl from an unknown fate.
Yes, I am very angry about Natalee Holloway’s disappearance. It did not have to happen. I do not want to see her negligent parents on television crying or bemoaning the loss of their daughter; they have failed at one of the most important duties any person can ever have — parenthood. Not being a parent in name only, but actually doing parenting. If Mom or Dad wanted the young lady to go to Aruba, why didn’t Mom or Dad go along? If that was not possible, try saying the word NO. Entrusting their daughter into someone else’s care does not satisfy the responsibility of parenting. We are living among some very stupid or very naive people, and in this case, negligence, stupidity, or naiveté may have dire consequences.
Copyright, 2005
XPost: Social Sense
JackLewis.net linked with Another American girl missing in Aruba
June 7th, 2005 at 12:55 pm
So let me get this straight.
It is the parents fault for letting their 18 year old daughter go on a vacation with her fellow classmates to celebrate the end of her high school education?
By this logic it would be the parents fault for letting their child join the Army at 18 and die in some sandy country far away right?
It all comes down to personal responsibility, not for the parents, but for her. She was 18 and had graduated high school, she was or is an adult, legally and by the looks of she was a very mature and dedicated one at that.
It is a shame that you could even begin to blame the parents for this. The responsibility lies either on the shoulders of the people who did something to her, or herself.
What happened to valuing personal responsibility? We all make our own choices in life and we either deal with the consequences or rewards of those choices.
BTW, your own FOXNews.com is reporting that we don’t know if she was drinking that night. While my guess (as it appears yours too) would be that she was we don’t know, it is mere speculation. And we wouldn’t want to report speculation now would we?
June 7th, 2005 at 12:59 pm
I have held off posting similar thoughts about irresponsible parenting in the Holloway case for some days now. My wife’s heard the rant… suggested I blog it, but I’m glad I did not, because you have done a better post than I would have, building very powerfully on your personal history.
One of the chief problems of our society today is parents who, through laziness, benign neglect, stupidity or maliciousness refuse to BE parents.
Makes one really want to get a HUGE clue bat and dope slap every other parent one sees on the probably valid assumption that one will only miss about one out of two parents who NEED to be hit upside the head with a clue bat…
*sigh*
(A tad curmudgeonly feeling are we? Oh, feeling we are, yes… )
June 7th, 2005 at 1:07 pm
Yes, it was her parents’ fault, because anyone with a daughter is an idiot for not fully explaining how dangerous the world can be for pretty young blonde girls with nobody to protect them in a strange place. She obviously was totally clueless from having led a sheltered life, and now these subhuman scumbags have raped and murdered her, and her parents will wonder why. Equality for women is fine when it comes to abstract ideas such as voting and work, but the world still runs on 100 octane reality, and reality says that savages will prey on the weak whenever they can, and a pretty young blonde girl on an island of savages is like a perch in a shark tank.
June 7th, 2005 at 2:13 pm
An island of savages? I would assume by that statement that you have never been to Aruba…
So should we not allow any young girls including the ones still in school to study abroad? Would it have made any difference to you if she was either 19 or 20? At what age do you think she should be able to venture out into the world alone? 29, 30?
I don’t see how you can sit there and blame the parents for what an 18 year old woman did.
A lot of guessing on your part; sheltered life, totally clueless? How do you know what her parents did or did not explain to her before she took off? Exactly, you don’t know.
She was of age and she made a choice, her parents can not watch over her until she is 45. I thought you guys were all about accepting personal responsibility. Guess not…
June 7th, 2005 at 2:31 pm
Chris, did this so-called “woman” you speak of pay for the trip, or did her parents continue to spoil her by paying her way? Why weren’t they with her in a foreign country? No matter what you say about personal responsibility, and you are correct to a degree, the fact remains that this girl wouldn’t be missing if she had parents who acted like parents.
I have two kids, both of whom are now adults. When they were in high school, there is no way that I would permit either of them to leave the United States on a dumb-**** trip to a foreign country. This isn’t the first time someone has come up “missing” on Aruba, but I doubt if her parents ever asked such a question before she was permitted to go on the trip.
Yes, her parents are guilty of neglect and the dire consequences will last them a life time. One of our more serious problems in this country is detached parenting, and that comes from attitudes similar to yours.
June 7th, 2005 at 2:49 pm
I agree that there is a problem with parenting in this country but this is not a case of neglect by any means.
Why not place the blame on the people who did something to her and not her parents who were doing something nice for her?
Are her parents supposed to go to college with her too? Or should she not be allowed to leave the nest until she meets some mystery age requirement?
What if she wanted to study abroad, in England or even France? They have much higher crime rates than the near non-existent crime rate for Aruba. When my class took our senior trip we went to Puerto Vallarta. Was this the wrong thing to do?
You take risks in life that is part of life. She evidently made a mistake and she has paid the consequences for it, it is sad indeed. It is too bad that you blame the parents for the decision an 18 year old made.
June 7th, 2005 at 5:29 pm
Chris,
The parent child relationship is a lifelong one. Even when their children grow up, parents still have a lot of influence.
Also, there were suppose to be chaperones on this trip, they were there in loco parentis. Their job was to make sure that these Children stayed safe & they failed.
Besides, as Mustang said, did this woman pay for her trip, because that would have truely made her an adult.
June 7th, 2005 at 8:45 pm
Yat I wasn’t challenging you on anything
in fact ,I like you a lot.And I have learned many things hear.What I was conveying was the way the press has handled or shall I say mishandled the GWOT they don’t seem to care that they are hurting our troops and the American people by their actions.The way they have behaved since 9/11 has completely atrocious.Then CBS was doing the forged document story on the President last year,what they did then was really a criminal offense,and not to forget what NewsWeek did a few weeks ago,and people died tragically from that.They will not acept responsibility for their own actions.That is all I’m saying.They refused to exercise any restraint,then when bedlam erupts they either pretend that they didn’t know something this drastic would take place, or they circle the wagon and blame the President like they are a state-Run operation.what I was saying is that since they refuse to act like pros and continue to reckless and dangerous things such as this,maybe the President can let them know that they’ve gotten away with this long enough and it it time to put a stop to this.:smile:
June 7th, 2005 at 9:15 pm
LOL Lisa - I think you posted this in the wrong area, but that’s okay; I like you too!
Now I understand what you were trying to say about the media and whole-heartedly agree with you!
June 7th, 2005 at 10:51 pm
NY,
The chaperones were there to provide guidance, not tell the kids what they can and can not do. They had no “real” authority over the kids. This was not a school sponsored trip. The woman was 18 years old, she made a choice and it was a poor one. Does this mean that every 20 year old girl who is away at college (far from mommy and daddy) that gets raped and killed, that it is her parents fault too?
Why can’t you people accept the fact that she made a poor choice? Is it that hard? Why are you blaming the parents instead of the people who more than likely killed her? Really this isn’t a difficult concept.
It is shameful that you would blame this on the parents. Why do you people have such an issue with personal responsibility?
Wow…
June 7th, 2005 at 11:40 pm
Spring Break and summer vacations certainly have changed in recent years.I graduated from high school in 1990.We thought were doing something grand when we went to Florida, or even South Padre Island Texas.Going to to the Carribean wasn’t even on the radar back then.Mustang I do know something about this young ladies alma mater though.The school she recently had graduated from is in a well to do suburb
of Birmingham Alabama.I remember that we used to compete against them in different sports for our state championships.I also have family that live in Birmingham.That school has always ever since its founding been a school that only the priviledged kids go to.The only things I can glean from this is about this young woman,is that she hit the first major milestone in her life by being a high school grad.who knows what was going on in her
mind.she could’ve been so happy to have
been away and not being under mom and dad that not only did she go on vacation but common sense seemed to have taken a break too.Most of us wouldn’t even have dared to ask our parents to send us to Aruba,I know I would’ve gotten a dirty look for even asking.But one thing she should ‘ve never have done and especially being a female be separated from your group especially in a foreign country.And then she was pretty and an out-of-towner
and these contries do have their predators.I don’t know who paid for her
trip but if her parents had something to do with that then shame on them.
June 8th, 2005 at 4:06 am
Lisa’s right; Mountain Brook is, to say the least, very much a well-to-do place. I’d bet anything that her parents paid for the trip; in fact, I’d be stunned to learn otherwise. Even though she’s legally an adult; she still lived with parents–she JUST graduated from high school, after all.
I have a hard time saying anything about the parents, though; God knows they’re going through enough without strangers vilifying them. Countless other parents send their kids on graduation trips, anyway, and almost always without incident. I’m sure they felt that their daughter would be safe as well, and Aruba isn’t a dangerous place anyway–Birmingham is far more dangerous.
Now, I wouldn’t let my daughter go to Aruba like Natalee did, but that’s me. I couldn’t afford it anyway. But I went just a few hours away to Florida for my HS graduation, and believe me, plenty could have happened to me there. It’s surely more likely that “something” could happen in Florida than Aruba!
Initially, I thought her family had to be out of their minds letting her go that far away for HIGH SCHOOL graduation; but I can see people feeling their kids are safer there than other places. Basically, I don’t think blaming the parents OR Natalee is helpful or appropriate. If ANYONE besides those who abducted her should be criticized, it’s the chaperones. You know the parents trusted them to ensure their kids’ safety.
June 8th, 2005 at 9:17 am
Another American girl missing in Aruba
While Aruba does damage control over fears that their tourism industry may suffer, reports have surfaced that Natalee Holloway is…
June 9th, 2005 at 6:45 pm
I would just like to say that in my opinion any neglect stated here is that she did not have enough sense to act responsibly! you teach that to your children and you have to have the faith that at some point you have tought them all you need to know to be safe in this evil world. I have been to aruba many times and it really is safer them most of your american citys! And to state that they should not have let her go is complete nonsense! Were the other 145 parents also in neglect for letting there children go? Or because they returned safely they are good parents… Maybe we should cancel all class trips anywhere considering there is probably one sex offender living in all of our towns countless murders and rapists walking around.. I guess you should also not let your teenagers go to the mall (like many parents do) I’m sure that there are tons of abductions there every year! The people in my opinion that have been the most neglectfull are her friends! Where the heck were they to let her go in a car ANYWHERE alone or at all!! Growing up i was always told to stick together, dont trust anyone, and watch your drinks! My parents let me do lots of things the only difference is i had a great bunch of friends and enough sense to be safe! This is a horrible tradegy and to put blame on them for letting her go is nonsense! God bless Natalie’s family and I pray that she returns and that the monsters responsible for this are brought to justice!!
June 10th, 2005 at 8:26 am
At 2:30 pm central time every day, I want every one to take a MOMENT OF SILENCE for Natalee. Lets do this every day until shes found. Please check your time zone so that we will all do it at the same moment. Any one willing to do this please respond by saying ok. Also please help me get the word out about this. Thank you!
June 10th, 2005 at 9:13 pm
18 year old girls who get into a car with three guys, and they were probably all drunk.. big mistake.
However NOT the parents fault.. you people obviously dont have teenage kids , you have to give them space!
June 11th, 2005 at 12:41 am
Lisa and Harry,
It is not worth it with these people. They are deranged and um, how do they say it? Oh yeah, “Divorced from reality”.
In these people’s eyes, everything is everyone else’s fault. Blame it on the parent’s because it is easier for them.
Oh, that and they are a bunch of poor ******** who can’t afford to go to Aruba, so they think that no one else should too. You know that whole Republican jealously thingy. So yes I am sure they would just love to have Fristy-Poo enact some legislation to make it illegal for high school kids to travel out of the country. Cause in their warped little minds they think their towns are oh so much more safer.
June 11th, 2005 at 6:00 am
It’s of utmost importance to demean the people you oppose to validate your sense of snooty superiority, lol– Anyone can associate themselves with the liberal elite; all you have to do is laugh at republicans as being stupid hicks. Even if you’re an overweight college dropout loser like Michael Moore!!!
Unfortunately, for those of us who’ve sent our kids to private school that cost in the area of $20,000 a year, and can afford to take vacations to places other than a trailer park, that blanket generalization is pretty laughable. But keep on repeating it if it makes you feel better and inflates your poor self image.
June 13th, 2005 at 12:28 pm
That statement was possibly one of the most arrogant things I’ve heard in the past few months, even though it is a valid remark. First, 20,000$ for a private school? I am praying you are talking about a university and not high school. Also I am hoping it is a very prestigious one, such as Emory or even all the way up to Yale and Princeton. I am about to embark on a trip to Florida soon, and I am only 20. My parents will throw in currency to help with my financial problems, but I will NOT blame them for anything. They are my parents, and they know I could handle myself inside or outside of the country.
I know she was out of the country. I do also understand she is a female and only 18, but it was her choice to get into that car. I don’t care if you are drunk or not, you are responsible for your own actions. She shouldn’t have been that drunk. Her friends should have stopped her? This could go all the way back to her parents conceiving here. Come on.
It is time for reform. Its not always the parents fault or anyone elses. Sometimes you have to pass the, for lack of a better term, BS and get to the point it is your fault. Ignorance is NOT an excuse in this situtation.
June 13th, 2005 at 4:23 pm
As far as arrogance goes, you haven’t seen anything. Here’s a comment that was left for me at blog explosion:
I have never met rude people like this in my life. Blogging has become a very eye opening experience. And thanks for more smartass comments to add to my list. It’s people like you who make my day.