10/20/2005
Well no wonder the Muslims think they are the only ones that are in with Go…I mean Allah
From a report of a speech given in a synagogue by the director of a branch of CAIR in Florida comes this snippet;
“He told a story about how the prophet Mohammed was told by God to pray
50 times a day. Then Mohammed met Moses, who pointed out that Jews pray
only three times a day. After some negotiating, God agreed to let
Muslims pray just five times a day.”
Mo was kickin with the big boys and NEGOTIATED with God.
No other religion, as far as I have found out, has a prophet that NEGOTIATED with God.
I can just see that now;
(wavy flashback lines)
Mo: Fifty times a day God? But I will live on my knees and have no time for conquering the infidels who should be on their knees to make beheading them easier.
GOD: I am sorry Mo, but I feel that the Jews aren’t pious enough, and that whole “chosen people” thing that they have claimed is going to make your run at a worldwide caliphate much harder. You simply MUST be much more pious than them.
Mo; I understand your wish for a more pious group of believers, but we have very little. We are poor tribesmen that wander the desert, and without a lifelong campaign of conquest and subjugation we will never rise to power in your name.
GOD: Well, Mo, actually everyone can come to me if they simply believe in their hearts. I have to tell you that you really don’t have a lock on this whole heaven thing.
(Moses whispers in God’s ear)
GOD: Mo, how about this, since the Jews are praying three times a day, why don’t you guys pray five times a day? That would make you 66% more pious than a Jew.
Mo thinks it over, and discusses it with his closest advisor, Aii’l Su’ Ya’ Quik’li, (who happened to be the first ever islamic lawyer), and looks up with that famous glint of negotiation in his eyes.
Mo;, Can we still pervert your words and lie about our goals to convert or kill those that won’t follow our ways?
GOD: I would prefer you didn’t. You know, if you get too radical, Lucifer may invoke certain rights under the Good Vs. Evil clause and it would be out of my hands.
Mo; I can take that chance, what is the word of Lucifer against my thousands of Warriors dedicated to Jihad?
GOD: Mo, I don’t believe you are completely understanding the whole concept of these visions, I really…
Mo; Yeah yeah, contracts and obscure Holy Laws….I get it. Let me ask you, if I kill ten thousand Jews and send them your way do i get a commission?
GOD: A commission? What would make you think that I would condone killing ten thousand people of any tribe? I want you to make people get along with each other and help create peace on earth. What is with all of this killing nonsense?
Mo; Well, if people don’t not believe that I have spoken to you then they will not adhere to the Holy Ways you have revealed to me. I am going to need proof.
GOD: Mo, did you ever stop to think that the near starvation you are experiencing, coupled with those mushrooms you found, may be causing hallucinations or that I could be Lucifer in disguise trying to capture gullible human souls for the final battle?
Moses hits “God” in the arm and whispers harshly “Shut up!!!! The mushrooms are becoming less intense, get this over with before he sobers up”
“GOD”: I’ll tell you what, along with the praying only five times a day, anyone that dies in Holy service to me by killing infidels will get 70 virgins in paradise. Deal?
Mo;, OK deal, but I may wish to renegotiate once I am able to stand up….why do you suddenly look like my camel?
(wavy flashback lines)
And there ya have it folks, the “truth” about Mo’s “talk” with Moses and God…..hey, it’s about as true as that book Mo had a hand in creating.
Stop The ACLU linked with Sunday Funnies
Stop The ACLU linked with Sunday Funnies
October 21st, 2005 at 8:11 am
Abraham “negotiated” with God over the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.
Genesis 18:23-33
23 ¶ And Abraham drew near, and said, Wilt thou also destroy the righteous with the wicked?
24 Peradventure there be fifty righteous within the city: wilt thou also destroy and not spare the place for the fifty righteous that are therein?
25 That be far from thee to do after this manner, to slay the righteous with the wicked: and that the righteous should be as the wicked, that be far from thee: Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?
26 And the LORD said, If I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, then I will spare all the place for their sakes.
27 And Abraham answered and said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the Lord, which am but dust and ashes:
28 Peradventure there shall lack five of the fifty righteous: wilt thou destroy all the city for lack of five? And he said, If I find there forty and five, I will not destroy it.
29 And he spake unto him yet again, and said, Peradventure there shall be forty found there. And he said, I will not do it for forty’s sake.
30 And he said unto him, Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak: Peradventure there shall thirty be found there. And he said, I will not do it, if I find thirty there.
31 And he said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the Lord: Peradventure there shall be twenty found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for twenty’s sake.
32 And he said, Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak yet but this once: Peradventure ten shall be found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for ten’s sake.
33 And the LORD went his way, as soon as he had left communing with Abraham: and Abraham returned unto his place.
And, interestingly, Lot and his famly–who were the only righteous to be found in the city–were led out of the city before it was destroyed, even though they numbered fewer than 10.
October 21st, 2005 at 10:10 am
And is Abraham a prophet of Christianity? Regular people negotiate with God everyday.
October 21st, 2005 at 11:25 am
Yeah I don’t recall Christ ever “negotiating” with God. He knew what he was supposed to do…there was no “negotiating”. I always found that to be utterly amazing. Christ knew what he was supposed to do, didn’t complain, didn’t try to bargain his way out of it–he just went ahead and did it. I can’t imagine the suffering he went through–hanging on the cross is a long and excruciating way to die.
October 21st, 2005 at 12:01 pm
Cao,
Good point about Christ–however a distinction for Christians is that Christ was God incarnate. Thus, to negotiate with Himself would’ve been … odd.
Abraham is a prophet in the Judeo-Christian tradition (and is also a prophet of Islam, considering they believe that Ishmael was his son and gave birth to the Arab peoples).
October 21st, 2005 at 2:18 pm
No, as far as I know, Christ is part of the holy trinity. God is the Father, Christ the Son, then there’s the holy spirit or the holy ghost. Why would Christ say to himself “Father forgive them for they know not what they do?” Christ WAS and IS God incarnate, but is not one in the same with Father God, the creator. Christ was/is the son of man, and the son of God wrapped up in one being.
MATTHEW 28:19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
2 CORINTHIANS 13:14 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Ghost, {be} with you all. Amen.
1 JOHN 4:12-16 . . . If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. (13) Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit. (14) And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son {to be} the Saviour of the world.
October 23rd, 2005 at 12:24 am
Sunday Funnies
Not a lot of time right now, this is a quick skim. Feel free to use this as an open trackback post. If you have something fun or funny that I missed, add a link to this post, and send a trackback!
Conservative Thinking has strange and freaky thin…
October 26th, 2005 at 6:56 pm
[…] Kender’s been crossposting over at Cao’s! You gotta read the Conversation between Mohammed and Allah. Euphoric Reality is having a contest for a free blogad. My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy announces the death of the period as punctuation. Apparantly it has been replaced with “lol” […]