From the November 3 Late Show with David Letterman, the “Top Ten John Kerry Excuses.” Late Show home page: www.cbs.com These are PRICELESS! Bwahahahaha! Oh. Except for # 2. That one is baaad. Let’s come up with a different #2. Something like “Thought America was ready for socialist healthcare and a war run by the UN.”

10. Voters were in a fever-induced haze because they couldn’t get flu shots.

9. Floridians confused by shockingly unconfusing ballots.

8. Maybe it wasn’t best idea to begin speeches with “yo mama is so fat” jokes.

7. The endorsement from Osama Bin Laden didn’t exactly help him.

6. “Dude — it’s the Curse of the Bambino.”

5. Should’ve campaigned more in New Mexico, less in regular Mexico.

4. Turns out voters think it’s hot that Cheney has a lesbian daughter.

3. Thought America was ready for a lunatic first lady.

2. Voters seem to really like a weak economy and a badly-run war.

1. Was distracted by late night erotic phone calls from Bill O’Reilly.

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